Funny Jokes no.19 (13+)

BEFORE MARRIAGE.....

HE: Yes. At last! It was so hard to wait.

SHE: Do you want me to leave?

HE: No! Don't even think about it!

SHE: Do you love me?

HE: Of course! Over and over.

SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?

HE: No! Why are you even asking?

SHE: Will you kiss me?

HE:Every chance I get.

SHE: Will you hit me?

HE: Are you crazy? I am not that kind of person.

SHE: Can I trust you?

HE: Yes

SHE: Darling!

...............AFTER MARRIAGE

SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.18 (13+)

                                                           Funny Jokes no.18 (13+)

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try."

The doctor tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

The doctor tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

When baby was out doctor slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.17 (13+)

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.16(13+)

Few creative Quotes for girls' t- shirts .

1. "Touch here, if you dare"

2. "Weapons of mass destruction"

3. "Looking is FREE, touching costs"

4. "Now more tastier & healthier"

5. "Round figure" 6. "Handle with care"

7. "Tasted by experts"

8. "2 Hot 2 Handle"

9. "Shake well before use"

10. "No one can use just once"

11. "Dangerous curves ahead" 12. "My face is 9 inches above from

where you stare"

13. "Did you Actually look here to

Read?"

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Short Funny Massage {03}

Short Funny Massage(01)

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector

Friend: How was your first night?

Man: She charged $100 from me for Over-speed,

 $200 for wrong-side entry

and

$500 for no helmet

                                                           Short Funny Massage(02)

He took me from a bar

He took me in his car

He took my top off

He puts his lips on mine,

but don’t worry,

I’m a bottle of wine!

If you like 

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny SMS ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.15 (13+)

                                                               Funny Jokes no.15 (13+)

A woman married a one legged man.

She wrote to her mother:

“My husband only has ONE FOOT”.

.....

.....

.....

.............

.....

...

.

Her Mother replied:

“You are lucky,your papa has ONLY 5 INCHES”

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.14 (13+)

What's The Most Popular Word That Begins

With 'F' & Ends With 'K'?

.

.

.

.....

.

.....

.

.

.

.
.
.
.

.

.

Its *FACEBOOK*,

The Word You Thought Is

The 2nd Most Popular! 

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.13 (13+)

Girls Bra Size:

_______________________________

A 13 year girl at a bra shop...

       Girl-show me bra.

Shop keeper-36"?

Girl-smaller

Shop keeper-32"?

Girl-smaller

Shop keeper-24"?

Girl-smaller

Shop keeper-20"?

Girl-smaller

Shop keeper(in angry)-madam u take some cream it must be a pimple.........

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.12 (13+)

   A hot girl removes her jeans and tells to her boyfriend, " MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WIFE".

.

.

.

   The boy also removes his jeans and says

.

.

.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
        WASH BOTH THE JEANS...

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.11 (13+)

  In an airplane  

-----------------------

---------------------------------

Girl:  Excuse me brother that's my seat

........

........

........

Boy:  OK but I am not your brother.

My father never touched your mom............

........

........

Girl  : True, but my father did....

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.10 (18+) 

NURSE kept SARDAR'S FINGER in HER MOUTH
after BLOOD TEST.

.....

.....

.....

THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING .

.....

.....

.....

NURSE:  why are you DANCING.

.....

.....

.....

SARDAR:  next is URINE TEST

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.09 (18+)

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and say  that i will do anything to pass in the exams...........

Professor says " really " 

Girl:  " yes "

Professor: You will do anything !!

Girl:  " yes anything " ......

Professor says

NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

.

.
Books And Study

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.08 (18+) 

Boy:        what is that you keep in your mouth
               which is 6" long
               and move it in and out
               and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl:       Why do you ask such question to me.
               i can't tell such words

Boy:       dont worry its tooth brush

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.07 (18+)

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the b ack of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenl y they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty y e ars ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

If you like

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.06 (18+)

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.

One night, after 20 years, wife turns on the light, 

finds him holding a vibrator.

..........




..........




..........





She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard!




How could you lie to me all these years?"







..........

..........





Husband looks her straight in the eyes and calmly says,




"I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

**********................ Please leave a comment for more funny jokes ...................... **********

Short Funny Massage {02}

Short Funny Massage(01)

Maths teacher asked JOHNY
"If you have 12 chocalates and you give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then what will you get ?

.........





..........


..........





JOHNY replied "Sir! 3 new girl friends".

Short Funny Massage(02)

Question:
Why most of the engineering students
Can't clear all subjects in 1st attempt..?
?
?
?
Answer:
Smooth roads never make good drivers,
Clear sky never makes good pilots
&


Clearing all subjects in the 1st attempt,
Never makes good engineers.


**********................  Please leave a comment for more funny SMS  ...................... **********

Short Funny Massage {01}

Short Funny Massage (01)

Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
"We want 2 disturb some good person."
I suggest them your name.
They said,
"We cannot disturb our boss."

Short Funny Massage (02)

Difference between Friend & Wife


U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But


Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"

                             If you like

**********................  Please leave a comment for more funny SMS  ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no. 05

Funny Jokes no. 05

Peter was travelling on an airplane and suddenly he shouted "HIJACK"

everyone started panicking and screaming.....

->

->

->

->

->

->

then suddenly Jack replied, "Hi PETER"

Funny Jokes no. 04

Funny Jokes no. 04

Our bro sam is so weak in English.

In exam he had to write "My father" paragraph, but he prepared

"My friend". So he tried to give his answer

My father

I'm very Fatherly person.

I have lots of Fathers.

Some of my fathers are MALES and some are FEMALES. 

My true father is my Neighbour....:)

                               If you like

**********................  Please leave a comment for more funny jokes  ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no. 03

Man : Is there any way for long life?

Doctor : Get married.

Man : Will it help?

Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.

                               If you like

**********................  Please leave a comment for more funny jokes  ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no. 02

The doctor told a dumb blonde that if she ran 8 km. a day for 300 days, she would lose 34 kgs.

Fat Blonde

At the end of 300 days, the blonde called the doctor to report she had lost the weight, but she had a problem.

“What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.

“I’m 2400 km. from home.”

                              If you like

**********................  Please leave a comment for more funny jokes  ...................... **********

Funny Jokes no.01 

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid term. The last question was "Name seven advantages of mothers milk" worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, who had also partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

He finally wrote:

1. It is a perfect formula for the child.

2. It provides immunity against several diseases.

3. It is always available as needed.

4. It is always at the right temperature.

5. It is inexpensive.

6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.

And then, the student was stuck! Finally, just before the bell (indicating the end of the test) rang, he wrote................

7. It comes in such cute containers.

He got an "A". 

If you like

**********................  Please leave a comment for more funny jokes  ...................... **********